Happy Hump Day!
Last night I spent a good hour reading different articles on Thought Catalog (thanks a lot Jenna Deutsch) that people with eating disorders have written.
If you don't read any of the other articles I link to, thats fine. Please take the time to read these ones.
I'm planning to write my own and submit it soon.
If you read the articles, I think you'll know why.
While I normally try to keep this blog upbeat and positive, which I honestly believe are two things that are entwined in my soul, I also think it's important to draw attention to just how much having an eating disorder sucks.
"Sucks," isn't the right word, but I can tell you that's exactly what having an eating disorder does to you - what it has literally done to me. So many days have been "sucked" away from me, lost now to anxiety about my weight. So many moments have been lost, "sucked" if you will, because it was more important to me to stay-in or exercise. I have missed so many opportunities because I didn't trust myself - didn't trust myself to handle food if it was part of what I was being presented.
Although this may have been something I've known all along, I'm not convinced that being "skinny" is the only thing I've looked to achieve through becoming bulimic. As I've heard from my therapist, from my parents, from friends, from random people - it's really about control. Food is just one thing I have found that I can control, when everything else feels just the opposite.
This quote was part of one of the articles I shared and well ... I don't think I've read anything more true in awhile. It was written by someone with anorexia, but it still applies.
"So, if you’re starving yourself because you think it will make you beautiful, stop it. Or at least stop telling yourself that beauty is what you’re after."
So what am I after? ... What are you after?
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