I give you permission to ...

I woke up this morning, after eating what I deemed a little bit too much chocolate frozen yogurt last night with such gratefulness for a new day that I'm very proud of myself for transforming those negative feelings. It's something I'm finding I'm particularly good at and yes, I will pat myself on the back for that one.

After feeling crappy after yesterday became an "unplanned" cheat day, I took myself to sleep last night with the comfort that hopefully today would be better - that hopefully my body wouldn't feel different, that I could resume eating cleaning and instead be thankful for the two pieces of pizza I had at work (damn free food Friday) and that freaking delicious frozen yogurt that I genuinely enjoyed.

I also stumbled upon a few pictures courtesy of @beaucoo on Twitter, while laying in bed. This one helped a lot.

So after waking up this morning feeling refreshed, I decided to tackle today doing things that would make me happy. While having coffee, I went to catch-up on some posts on The Wunder Year. Amazingly, the first three I read were exactly what I needed - just another reason I'm convinced there is a God. Read days 125-126 if you're interested in what I'm talking about. They reminded me of what I'm doing, what I'm in all of this for and what I've committed to - for myself.

So back to the title of this post.

I give you permission to ...

Live?

Be healthy?

Do whatever you want?

I really do wish it was that easy. That I could simply say, "Emily eat whatever you want today, nothing will change." I wish that was how it all worked.

But let's be real ... it doesn't. SO I've been working on a different solution. Hence the title of this post.

Instead of making mindless decisions, I've been attempting to first stop and think about what I actually want and then deciding if it's necessary. So, I give myself permission.

This may sound a little childish, a little restrictive, I'm aware. BUT so far so good.

For example, if I want to have a cookie at work instead of simply grabbing one (which could easily lead to a binge) I've been asking myself if I really need it. Will it make me happy? Will I be okay with it? If this was my last day on earth would I be bummed that I did have said cookie?

If my answer is "yes" to the first and third question, I silently give myself permission to have it. And you know what? I haven't been feeling guilty - for straying from clean eating or "cheating" every now and then.

I've actually been feeling the best ever (knock on wood!)

Attempting to eat clean has definitely been challenging, but it's also been eye opening and rewarding. I've found some great new foods (that you can see on my Instagram em_ilyclark44) and I've been exploring many new running routes.

I've been giving myself permission to do things a little differently and to laugh at new techniques that don't go so well - there is no failing. Remember, progress not perfection.

I've given myself permission to have a "cheat day," or a "cheat snack" here and there. I've given myself permission to not be perfect with the Eat Clean(isn) challenge. I've given myself permission to really listen to my body - to push through tiredness when I don't think I'm actually that tired and to pause and rest when it's needed.

I've given myself permission to take care of myself - because I'm important and my health is important. I've given myself permission to run and then not track the mileage, because I usually feel like I've run a marathon and why make myself think anything different?

There are still many more things to "let go" and give myself permission to do ... but this is a good start. I am teaching myself to love myself and as I read this morning, "Love is indeed a both a rule breaker and a beautiful thing."

So after feeling crappy last night, I reminded myself that even if I didn't say it mentally I gave myself permission to eat what I did yesterday. And I will stick by my decisions. I may have broken the rules a little, but I'd like to think I gave myself what I thought I needed or (maybe just really wanted) - and that's okay.

In other news, I have officially purchased www.astoldbyemily.com! My dear friend and web design extraordinaire Ilana of Sugar and Type will be redesigning the site. Expect it to be completely personalized. Any suggestions? Anything you'd like to see?!

I know my blogging hasn't been an every day affair lately (no, I haven't really given myself permission to that) BUT I've been working a tad bit too much and let's just say if I'm not working, I'm trying to work out or relax.

I'm off to visit Jordan tomorrow and will return on Wednesday. It will definitely be interesting trying to "sweat" each day that I'm away from home, but I'm giving myself permission to experiment! It's about time I finally familiarized myself with the roads of Oakville, Ontario - my running shoes will be packed!

And now, I'm giving myself permission to go enjoy more of that chocolate frozen yogurt - because as much as I hate using food as a reward, I think it's well deserved today.