Leading Yourself (Day Four)

I know it's only the fourth day, but I'm feeling GOOD.

I feel very in-tune with my body and have really been waiting until I'm hungry to eat. Unfortunately when I do feel hungry, I find myself getting a little annoyed. I'm not sure which is better - really letting myself get hungry to the point where I'm bitter OR eating when maybe I'm not really hungry.

The feeling of "hunger" is one I'm unfamiliar with. I've lost sense of what it means and how to respond to it. Slowly but surely, I'm relearning how to treat it.

I went to the gym after work today and it felt good to do something different. However Mom still wanted to go for a walk when she got home from work, so I joined her for that too. I don't want to be obsessive and start "overdoing it," but being so active felt amazing.

When I returned from the walk, I walked through our yard to get back to the house. I live in the middle-of-nowhere or "the country" as Jordan likes to call it and while I used to despise being so far away from everything, lately I've loved it.

As I was making my way to walkway, I decided to close my eyes and let the peace of my surroundings soak in (inset weird Emily moment here). The sun was shining, my body was buzzing and that summer smell was in the air. I decided to keep my eyes closed and challenged myself to find my way to the path blind. Metaphorical?

Strangely, I ended up right where I wanted to be, in front of the walkway. Granted it was only 20 feet, it was still nice to end up right where I had hoped. As it always is.

In that moment, I was reminded that we have the power to lead ourselves in the right direction. As much as I've felt like I can't complete a month long challenge or I can't get healthy or I can't find balance, maybe I already know how. Maybe it's a natural instinct that I'm just overlooking.

Perhaps re-learning will be easier than trying to teach myself something for the first time.

I hope to "end up" healthy and I hope to end up "recovered." I'm confident that letting my body and mind lead will be what gets me there.

Today I started envisioning what the end of this challenge will look like. I pictured myself on July 1st, going out for M&M pancakes as a reward and thinking "Eff yeah, I did it!" I imagined finally being able to say that I completed something I committed to, a challenge for myself.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but maybe envisioning "the end" will push me forward. Naturally, of course.


*I am technologically challenged and unable to edit my calendar on J's laptop. An updated version will be shown tomorrow :)